Saturday, October 25, 2008

Update

I put some pictures on the myspace, since it has been forever.

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
-T.S. Eliot

I have been doing a LOT of soul searching lately.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Fuzzy

“There is nothing worse than a sharp image of a fuzzy concept.” –Ansel Adams

The truth is that, after 4 years, I am a little sick of the word concept. In design, we always needed a concept. It was the foundation of our projects. All that we did was based on it and at the end (when we took a step back) it was amazing to look at the journey we had taken without even realizing it. It was beautiful to see that it was all related and could be traced back to a single idea. The same is true with photography. You want someone to look at your picture and get it. You want them to understand the thought process behind it all. You want it to evoke a specific feeling.

I wonder, though, if this quote can also be translated to describe a person’s life. Meaning that, what is the point of living without a good concept? Someone can live a good long life without a purpose; a life based on money and material things, good acts but wrong intentions, and superficial relationships. Why? They are all fuzzy, worthless things to live for. My image may not be perfect but I at least want people to be able to see that my concept is good.

Inspirational Anonymity

“But few have spoken of the actual pleasure derived from giving to someone, from creating something, from finishing a task, from offering unexpected help almost invisibly and anonymously.” –Paul Wiener

I just got off the phone with Mommom and Grumps. It was refreshing to talk to them. It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve heard their voices. We talked a bit about my mom and I mentioned that I had been thinking about her the other day. For the longest time, she has been in the heroes section of my myspace but did I really understand exactly why I put her there? Could I put into words what makes her an inspiration? I don’t know if I ever thought about how amazing and indispensable her life is to certain people. Obviously, I needed her in my life but there are other people that she has impacted and with no obligation whatsoever. In my opinion, to be a server is to help others with a humble heart, to think of yourself second, and to be perfectly fine “giving help invisibly and anonymously”. My mom is a server. From cutting my great-grandmother’s toe nails to cooking meals for needy families to helping an elderly woman clean her house every week. She does it and she doesn’t get the recognition she should for it. The thing is that I don’t think she needs or wants recognition. Perhaps the quote above is correct. Perhaps this is how actual pleasure is derived. All I know is that I can only aspire to be like that. We all can only aspire to be like that.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

15 Memories

Christmas has been on my mind a lot lately, since I found out I am going home and after watching Elf the other night with my family, I wrote a list of my 15 best Christmas Memories...

15. Danielle Manfred and I were some crazy girls. We always came up with the most ridiculous ideas but the Christmas of eighth grade may have topped them all. With the permission of the principal and the help of a few other friends, we dressed up as Santa (yeah that was me), elves, and reindeer. We visited all the other classrooms handing out candycanes and wishing everyone a merry christmas. Come to think of it, perhaps it was wearing that big white beard that triggered my obsession with wearing artificial facial hair.

14. I awoke with a start in the middle of one Christmas Eve night. In the doorway to my room was what appeared to be part of Santa´s coat. It was not moving but I only had to take one look at it to realize that I could ruin my chances of getting any presents. It was a torturous night with little sleep, only to realize in the morning that what I had seen was part of a decoration. I will always remember that night because I was really scared Santa would put me on the naughty list for being awake in bed.

13. Bridget, of course, had decorated her tree with pink and purple ornaments. It was sophmore year and Bridget was still living in the magical Alden Park Apartment Complex. There was something so serene about that night with all the candles lit, a fire in the fireplace, and the smell of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. We watched a movie and giggled about ¨elevator boy¨but it was no ordinary night. It was the first night that I began to feel at home in Philadelphia.

12. Tara and I ran into the living room at the crack of dawn and there it was... our first set of wheels. A shiny red jeep wrangler with a huge eagle decal across the hood. It wasn´t your average ¨Barbie Dreamcar¨ but we weren´t your average little girls. Man we loved driving that thing around- I think we felt like it gave us some kind of freedom, even though it never left the backyard and our mom always made us wear helmets.

11. I don´t think we will ever get tired of watching a helicopter lift baby Jesus from the manger scene. Mr. Bean´s Christmas is a much loved tradition at Mommom and Grumps´house. I´m not sure what I would do if we stopped watching it, even though I know that movie like the back of my hand.

10. I was in such a rush that I didn´t even have time to drink some of the ¨Mel´s magical punch¨before I was shoved up the the kareoke machine. Of course, I still had to put on a great show and I pretty much blew all my beloved coworkers away with my rendition of Janis Joplin´s Piece of My Heart. Since every other year I was still at college, this was the one and only Haag´s Christmas Party that I ever made it to. That place and those people will always have a ¨piece of my heart¨. Sorry that was corny, I know.

9. In front of me sits a plate with a giant beligian waffle topped with mounds of delicious strawberries and whipped cream. I am sitting around a table at Arner´s surrounded by a group of my most ¨fabulous¨friends (Tara, Jamie, Felicia, and Susan). Christmas Eve breakfast with the five is becoming a much cherished tradition.

8. At first, it seemed like this day would go down in history as one of my least favorite, although I had gotten my wish for a white Christmas. It snowed so much on Christmas Eve that we were unable to drive to Aunt Heather´s house for lunch and the electricity had gone out. We ended up spending a quiet day at home huddled around the woodstove listening to Dad´s jazz tapes. Normally, this drives me insane but now I can look at it as quality time I may never again have with my amazing family.

7. The Pagoda always flashes to signify that Santa has been spotted flying over Reading, Pennsylvania. Every Christmas Eve Tara, JD, Katie, Aunt Rose, and I set out to catch a glimpse of the once-a-year phenomenon. One very exciting year, we made a pitstop in the WalMart parking lot where Aunt Rose let me drive her car for the first time. My mom never found out (until now when she reads this blog, of course). I guess that was part of the excitement, too.

6. I am so lucky that my house only lies 10 minutes from the most amazing Christmas display in the world... that´s right, Christmas Village is right there in my backyard. It´s actually quite a site to behold; thousands and thousands of lights and figurines, scenes of Santa in the jungle and a peacock in a cage. We didn´t go every year because my family didn´t really have the money for it but we used to drive up over the hill to look at the lights from above (which is actually the best view of it). Anyway, there is one particular year that I remember going. It was such a long time ago that it is hard to remember details but, if I´m right, I went with my sister and my dad because my mom was feeling sick. I was awestruck and I remember buying an ornament as a surprise for my mom. It was moments like that that make me realize how lucky we were to have such a great dad.

5. I finally had evidence that Santa was real. Every year we put out milk and cookies but one year we should include something for Rudolph. That night we left a carrot on the table, too and we awoke to find a half eatten carrot in front of the house. I really do miss the magic in believing.

4. For our first time going to New York City, Nanny and Grandad sure did it right. It was the perfect time of year to visit the city (right before Christmas). We slept in a fancy old hotel, took a carriage ride through Central Park, went ice skating in Rockefeller Center, and visited FAO Schwartz (the world´s largest toy store). We even saw Cats on Broadway. I will remember that trip for the rest of my life.

3. If you have never played Now You Have It, Now You Don´t, you do not know what you are missing. Throughout the year, Mommom collects enough random objects for my entire crazy family to play about three hilarious games. There is nothing like watching Grumps and Walt fight over a pair of women´s dress socks or Mom and Taylor arguing about who has a better use for pot holders. Gosh do I have a great family or what!?

2. Some may wonder why this memory is all the way here at number 2. Compared to others, it sounds relatively insignificant but it warms my heart to think about it. I can remember my mom turning on the old radio (which was also a record player) and tuning it until we could hear Paul Harvey´s voice. Tara and I were trembling with excitement that Christmas Eve night as he announced that Santa had been spotted flying over Reading. It felt so real!!

1. We were all under the impression that it was going to be the last Christmas in that house, which put a little bit of a damper on the mood. Just as we thought all of the presents had been openned, Grandad came out holding three small boxes. He then began to explain that, before Nanny died, they had planned that one Christmas Grandad would give each of the grandaughters a ring. Each ring had a story behind it (because these were the very same rings that we used to take out of Nanny´s desk drawer and admire when we were younger) and they had a reason for deciding why each of us got the ring we did. Of course we were all in tears by the end of the night. Part of my ring actually belonged to my great-grandmother and Nanny had it altered. It was a gorgeous antique diamond ring and, regardless of the value (which I am sure is very great), it is the best Christmas present I have ever gotten.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Mental Pictures

Today, I went to the beach with my family to go clam digging... Yes, I dug up two clams and a whole lot of crabs that kept freaking me out. So, I quit. The real story is that, upon arriving to the beach, we found about 20 guys pulling on two huge ropes. My host dad, brother, and cousin immediately jumped into help. I was not expecting it but in came a huge net full of about two thousand fish. I felt like I was in a bible school story or something. I´ve never seen anything like it and I didn´t even have my camera with me to get the evidence. There were even a few seals that came in pretty close to the net for some food. It was pretty incredible and sad all at the same time because I stood there and watched them all flopping around dying. The guys appreciated my family´s help so much that they gave us like 20 fish of our own.... Which I suppose means I´ll be eating fish all week. ¨At least its not guinea pig. At least its not guinea pig.¨

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Somewhere You Feel Free

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free
-my favorite Tom Petty song

I was thinking about my journey home for Christmas and realized that this will be my first time traveling so far by myself. Immediately, I was overcome with the fear that something awful could happen but, the more I thought about things, the more I realized that I have been alone for over 4 months now. Most of the time, I don’t feel alone. On this crazy Peace Corps journey (that in reality has only just begun) I have made some new friends. I want to say that my experience with friend-making, though, has been a little bit different than everyone else’s. I didn’t get very close to anyone during training. Don’t get me wrong, I went through training with 37 of the most amazing people I have ever met. I just didn’t feel like I fit in very well. Making friends has never been my forte and, just like in college, it has taken me time to find my niche. I don’t want to get ahead of myself but I think I’ve found it. The volunteers that I’ve ended up with in Arequipa are amazing. Keeping friends, however, IS my forte and I think I want to keep these ones for a long time.

My sister and I went to an Armonia 10 concert the other night. They are a Peruvian cumbia band and they sing one of the few songs I can actually recognize on the radio (hasta seis en la manana). From the very beginning, the guys on stage had me targeted. After throwing posters into the crowd, they specifically had someone give me one and kept pointing me out as the girl in the hat. My sister, cousin (more like the age of an uncle), and I kept putting up 6 fingers so that they would play our song but apparently you need to write down song requests with your name for them to actually play them. My cousin handed in a paper with our names and the song on it and I immediately regretted letting him do that. From then on every song was dedicated to me… “Melody, baby, this is for you!” or “Melody, I am crazy for you, baby!” they would shout in English. Among the crowd were students I work with from the high school, teachers, and doctors from the health center. Besides standing out with my whiteness, I can’t think of any other reason for becoming such a sensation. Don’t get me wrong, though, I think the whole situation was pretty hilarious. It takes much more than that to get me embarrassed.

I get to dress up for Halloween this year!! I didn’t think I was going to get to and I think I gave everyone a heart attack with my crazy reaction when I found out. It turns out the regional meeting is the day after Halloween. So, we are going to go out in the city that night. I don’t know what I am going to be yet. I think my costume options are a little bit limited here without a Goodwill or Salvation Army. I wish I had brought my pink, puffy prom dress with me to Peru. I can use that for any occasion. It was such a good buy.

And about Christmas, it feels surreal. I don’t think its going to hit me that I’m going home until I step off of the plane in Philadelphia.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Wednesday Adventure

Feeling rather amibitious this morning, I headed out on a journey in search of a secret beach. I had been hearing (from multiple people) about a beach that I could find at the end of a long path which starts at the big white Jesus on the mountain. I set out with high hopes, wandering through a desolate ¨ghost town¨of woven shacks along the side of the cliff above La Punta. As it turns out, these mountains above me are literally a desert. I walked for about an hour with a view of the ocean to my right and a full blown desert to my left. This was my first time walking through sand dunes. I can now understand why people go insane alone in the desert. It makes you feel small and insignificant and it never feels like you are making any progress. I know these are sad words from someone who someday hopes to thru hike the AT but I find it much more enjoyable walking on a path surrounded by trees. I never made it to the beach and, in fact, I am not even sure that this path leads to a beach. It looks like it only goes farther and farther into an endless desert with no hopes of connecting with the coast. I think perhaps I will try walking along the base of the cliff next time. That was my first time walking for hours without encountering another person in Peru. It did feel good to be alone.

Sometimes, I like to feel like we did in Japan. Meaning that, it feels good to know that your legs can take you just about anywhere.

Monday, October 6, 2008

I´ll Be Home For...

Christmas.

It was just approved by my country director and I purchased my tickets today!!

Such great news.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Weekend in the City

I just had a delightful meal at Burger King and I am in the company of friends. I feel pretty alright right now. Pretty alright.