Billboard Sign

I think I can make an umbrella statement and say that, at least once in our lives, we have all doubted God. Even if you don´t belive in God, I´m sure you´ve doubted yourself. For me, self-doubt is practically interchangeable with God-doubt. When I feel worried, scared, or nervous I am not putting my faith in God like I should be. This past weekend has been an insane journey of discovery across Peru. I left Huanchaco on Friday morning and had been having major regrets as I boarded a bus in Pacasmayo that night, alone and in tears.

PS- A nice man named Fidel Castro helped me find the bus station in Trujillo. That is really his name... he let me check his ID.

I was able to talk to my mom for over an hour while I waited in the Pacasmayo bus station, which was God´s work right there. The operator connected her without a time limit because her calling card was not functioning correctly. In times of trouble, my mom is such a voice of reason; my rock, my solid ground when I am surrounded by quick sand. All I could think about was that I needed Tara. We could get through anything together. As I closed my eyes that night on my comfortable reclining seat in the safety of a Cruz del Sur bus, I prayed over and over again for God to give me ¨billboard¨ signs.

PSS- At this point in time, I am flat broke.
I have...
1 bus ticket to Arequipa
3.20 soles (enough for a cab ride to the hostel)
and 9.43 soles in my bank account, which I can´t take out at an ATM

Like I said, it was the poorest I´ve been in my whole life and I was traveling 24 hours across the country. So to continue, God didn´t give me a billboard sign. He gave me a small sign above a door within walking distance of the Lima bus station that said Banco Continental. I entered and, like a loser, I asked the woman behind the counter for 9 soles. (I wanted to ask for the 43 centimos too but I just didn´t have it in me.) With a smile on my face, I grabbed the reciept and almost fell over when I saw I had over 1,000 soles in my account. (2 days early!)

PSSS- Next to the bank is a KFC and across the street is a Metro (the Peruvian equivalent of Target).

PSSSS- They sell Dunkin´Donuts in the Metro.

I had tears in my eyes for the first hour or so, as I wandered around the store. My mom called to see if I was alright, at some point, and I think she was almost as happy as I was. (Which is almost physically impossible) To conclude, God is amazing. Kelly (my volunteer ¨neighbor¨) is right when she says spirituality is magnified down here. I don´t believe all of this was just good luck. I am absolutely certain this was another message from God... ¨Silly Melody. I am always with you and I will always take care of you. Just have a little faith.¨

P (who knows how many S´s)- I am still in Lima and I just witnessed a high school gang fight or mob or something... I still have half of this trip ahead of me.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is my first thanksgiving on a beach. I was sad this morning knowing that I wouldn´t get to wait on hundreds of people at Haag´s today... the sick thing is that you all know I´m not lying about that. 7 years ago, I remember throwing a fit that I had to work on a holiday and couldn´t spend it with my family. Over the years, though, my coworkers became my family. Today, I miss them and I miss running around like a nut with a tray full of 20 pennsylvania dutch style dishes. We got to eat turkey yesterday but it definitely isn´t the same as my fabulous re-heated dinner with the family. I really do miss them too, obviously. Much love and happy thanksgiving to all!!

Long Journey

I´m sitting in the Cruz del Sur bus station right now using the majorly over-priced internet. One 15 hour bus ride down... another 12 or so to go tonight. I went back to Huascaran today to visit my first host family. It felt like I was going home again. I couldn´t stop smiling while I walked up the hill from Chaclacayo. I will always love that dirty little town.

I think I´m finally excited about reconnect. Tomorrow we´ll be in Pacasmayo. Can´t wait!

Alone

but surrounded by people. It is funny to find that I am not alone in feeling alone.

¨To be alone is to be different. To be different is to be alone.¨
-Suzanne Gordon

Sometimes life is just plain hard.

Tolerance

tol·er·ance [ tóllərənss ] (plural tol·er·ances)
noun
1. acceptance of different views: the acceptance of the differing views of other people, e.g. in religious or political matters, and fairness toward the people who hold these different views
-MSN Encarta Dictionary

With humility comes tolerance. Tolerance does not mean you need to support something you do not believe in. It is neither condoning nor condemning but, rather, an agree-to-disagree mentality. We are all flawed. We are all human. If we are focused on fixing our own mistakes, we have no time to judge others based on their´s. I write this because sometimes I get so upset with Christians and their ¨holier than thou¨ attitude that I am ashamed to call myself one. Shouldn´t we be the shining example of tolerance? of peace? of forgiveness? I firmly believe that we should be examples of what we believe but we should not push those beliefs on other people. It never works. It ends up pushing them away.

Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have recieved from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

This entry might make some of you angry. I´m sorry if it does. It´s just my opinion.

i

I Am...
sassy, sometimes a little strange, spontaneous, and totally in love with life.
I Want...
mountain dew. always.
I Have...
an amazing family, incredible friends, the best dog in the world, a roof over my head, and a God who never disappoints me
I Wish...
always for something magical to happen. i know it will anyway, with or without my wishing for it. that way it always comes true.
I Hate...
responsibility.
I Fear...
failure.
I Search...
constantly for more knowledge and inspiration.
I Wonder...
about the future. but i always try to live in the present.
I Regret...
nothing. my mistakes were all much needed experiences to learn from and shape me into who i am today.
I Love...
too many people to name.
I Ache...
physically, because i fell into a concrete ditch. in general, to see the world and to be with the people i love.
I Always...
am up for an adventure. just call me.
I Usually...
drive. but not anymore.
I Am Not...
a label. good luck finding one that would fit.
I Dance...
all the time. it helps me forget any problems i might have.
I Sing...
even though my voice isn..t great. i was born for karaoke.
I Never...
let go of friendships. even though we might not talk much anymore they will always have a place in my heart.
I Rarely....
get really angry. it happens sometimes but in general i..m a pretty mellow person.
I Cry...
because i feel alone even though i am surrounded by people.
I Am Not Always...
perfect but nobody is.
I Lose...
my mind, after being awake for a week straight working on design projects. luckily, that is no longer a part of my life.
I'm Confused...
about what i should do after the peace corps. the good thing is that i can just put one foot in front of the other and have faith that by the time i get there the path i need to take will be a little bit clearer.
I Need...
to continually remind myself that i am blessed and need nothing.
I Should...
write my CDS report but then i wouldn..t be able to consider myself a master procrastinator.
I'm Thinking...
too much about the past. it..s always been one of my faults.